Love And Logic 101

Yes, I may be living under a rock to most "on top of things" folk, but I finally got around to watching the final Oprah today. I have to up front, I really am not an Oprah follower or huge fan (sorry Tiff), but her last show left me feeling inspired, that people CAN change and you know what the best part about that is? You have every ounce of control over your life and choices. Up until about 8 weeks ago, I blamed much of my "bad" habits and faults that I don't desire about myself on how I was raised. I have since realized that is the lamest excuse in the book for anything. Afterall, in a sense I am was blaming my parents for all of my bad traits. Being a parent now that is the furthest thing I want my kids to say or think of me!

Those who have had children know first hand there is no handbook on what to do for any situation. I can honestly say being the parent of a teenager was not my cup of tea. I say was only because it is a frame of mind. Every day I would wake up frustrated and felt I was being disrespected, walked over and felt as though I was living with an entitled 13 year old. I began to dislike being around her and anything that she said just bugged me. My reaction to the behavior I didn't approve of was to yell, argue, and try and control. This of course led to more defiancy....etc. You see the cycle? Bad, bad, bad. I knew better, but really didn't know how to break this terrible behavior. I am speaking about MY behavior not hers.

My friend and mentor Ms. Tiffany has seriously helped me become the parent I have really strived to become. For the past 3 years (and it has been a S L O W) process as I am sure she can attest, to be a mother who loves their children for who they are regardless of any decision they may make good or bad. I love her advice that she continues to give which is ALWAYS assume good no matter what. What exactly is this method, aside from being more like Christ would be? Love and Logic. The interesting thing is, as parents it's easy to just control our children's behavior. For example, if our child is doing something we disapprove of telling them to "Stop!" What is this really doing? Teaching them it's okay to control others and in addition creates the monster behavior you don't want. Giving them choices and options is necessary so they learn by consequence. Love and logic as really changed me for the better. I am most certain my friends gag the minute I start in on my newest passion.

However, it has honestly changed me for the better and allowed me to have the relationship that I have wanted with my children. The best part, I haven't yelled at my kids in nearly 8 weeks. Okay that may not seem like anything to some, but that is jaw dropping unheard of in my house. It has been instilled in me to snap at things on the drop of a hat. Why? Because growing up that was a learned behavior. And don't we always say "when I have a family of my own" things are going to be different? Yes! But, what have I done to break this cycle? Nothing, until now.

Doug and I took a parenting class and what an eye opener it was. I did read a few love and logic parenting books, which never seemed to click. It was the seminar that changed me. I learned all of the things I had been doing were the opposite things I wanted in my children. Yikes! Most importantly, you must see your children as an equal. You are not above or below them, but are to treat them as you would want to be treated. Sounds easy right? Wrong. It is constant work. But, thanks to this class, prayer and lots of love and logic we seem to be breaking the ice. Have I fixed everything that I have done? Of course not. Each day brings new challenges and there is also the factor that every child brings on a different issue.

I have not only learned that teenagers really aren't all that evil, but if you can learn to talk to them in their language things most definitely run smoother in your household. And the best part about it is I can look at each of my kids without judgement. I can't even begin to expres what a stress reducer this has been. I no longer worry about their school assignments, grades, whether they are going to be late to a game, church activity, etc. Why? Because they are in control of their own self. The question I always ask myself is. Am I going to school? Nope, they are. How is their project going to effect me if they recieve a bad grade? It's not. I am just there to help and guide them along, validate, and show love towards them. I don't see myself as a mother who has to control their children, but to teach them and allow them to make their own decisions. Since we have implemented this teaching in our home, my kids now take on more responsiblity, are more accountable and most important they care about the decision they make. Because they have made it and Doug and I have just stood by and supported them. The best part of it all when I have actually sat and talked to my kids about how they feel about our new parenting style is they absolutely hate the "calm" voice that is used in our home. This is an empathy voice used with catch phrases such as "probably so" or "oh, that stinks"... if something comes up they don't like or agree with. If they calm voice is the worst thing, I think we are doing okay :)

The "old" me would have said that I dread the teenage years, however now I am willing to embrace the challenge. I see potential, beauty and am excited for the future. It really is a honor to be a parent and the best part is seeing your children grow up to become responsible adults just as you would have hoped. One exception to all I have said above is, I am scared for high school, not for Taylor, but for boys. Man, Taylor really has turned out to be one beautiful girl!

The New Yorker

Taylor's 1st cab ride

We left New York on a Wednesday on red eye flight (which I really wouldn't recommend). Arriving at 7:30am New York time Thursday morning. Taylor and I were pretty trashed and not being able to check in the hotel, we were zombies most of the morning into the afternoon. We did manage to fit in a pedicure and a trip over to the Harry Potter Exhibit. Angie and Mackenzi showed up right as we checked in and we went non-stop the rest of the weekend.

We immediately hit the streets of New York. The girls wanted to experience Time Square.

Angie and I couldn't resist reinacting out the cover of the playbill.

I purchased Billy Elliot tickets and knew it had mixed reviews. However after seeing it, I WOULDN'T recommend it to anyone. I felt like I was watching a live rated R movie. Not to mention I was cringing that I brought my daughter to see it! The dancing was great, but that is really all it had to offer. The story line was hard to follow and the kids on stage had major potty mouths!

Angie, Jenny, Sam Champion, Taylor and Mackenzi

We awoke Friday morning with 3 hours of sleep under our belts. My friend Heather was able to get us on a special list and head up into the GMA studios that morning. They didn't have any special guests or outdoor concerts, but it was fun to chat with Robyn and Sam for a few short minutes.

Taylor pretending to be the next GMA host.

We didn't seem to have much time at any particular location due to so many sights. Many of our stops were primarily for a photo op, like this one at 30 Rock.

Due to long lines, lack of time and desire, this was about as close as we got to Lady Liberty, but Taylor at least was able to hold her in her hand.

Hanging with the famous gold "bull" from Wallstreet

The trade center site was under major construction due to the memorial opening this September. We really wanted to get a photo with a firemen and this was the station directly across from the twin towers.

Knowing how strict security is I was a little sad to see this sign, but I asked for a photo with one of them anyway.

To our surprise the chief (and even took the picture) allowed us in the restricted area and even got his quote, "One of his finer looking firemen"

NYPD with the girls in front of WTC site.

I never made it over to Grand Central Station the last time I visited, and it truely is pretty amazing to the eye.

It never seems to slow down in this place!

On to the Empire State building which ended up being a much longer walk then the girls would have liked, but I think once they saw the top they forgot about the walking.

At the top

For those of you who have visited NYC you get a pamphlet with every site. Angie and I decided to act out how "amazing" our views were. This was exactly the photo you see on the brochure.

One of our 4 views

A lot of walking seems to increase the appetite so we headed on over to the Star dust diner to listen to the folk who are desperately wanting to be on broadway.

That evening we had tickets to the Yankees/Redsocks game. So we studied our subway map and headed to the Bronx.

Taylor was so excited to swing on the poles once most people were off the train. Here she is in action. Such a goof!

For sure the best face!

Arriving at Yankee Stadium. Definitely a must if you go to New York. It is incredible!

We had pretty high seats, but we still were able to see most everything.

You can't go to a baseball game without a dog! Oh, and some french fries.

After the game we headed over to the Brooklyn Bridge

Another breath taking view of the city at night

We were a little hungry since the it was now close to midnight and the only thing really open was Carnigie Deli. We both heard that we should go, so that we did. But, I think one time was enough. The service was horrible, the food NASTY, and oh my I don't think I have EVER spent so much money on a silly sandwich.

2 sandwiches=$75

Taylor posing in the subway station. Gross if you ask me!

Saturday we headed over to China town. Hmmm...... I think the girls really liked it here.

Again, experiencing China town 1 time was good enough for me. Fish, fish everywhere. Not my favorite.

Luckily a few streets over we ended up in Little Italy (much more appealing) and stopped in at Sophies for lunch.

And then it was on to shopping the remainder of the day. We passed by some interesting stores. Shoegasm? Really?

Taylor was in heaven meandering in all the stores.

Who thinks of these store names? So cheesy.

Walking by her famous name.

We definitely got our money's worth on the subway. I officially think I could get somewhere now. It only took me three days!

We ran out of time while shopping and didn't want to be late for our dinner reservation....So knowing we wouldn't be able to get there in heels running for 8 blocks we hopped on a bike taxi. I had to literally run him down to catch his attention.

Phew! We made it with 5 minutes to spare and this was probably the best dinner we had in New York. Virgils BBQ is to die for. So good!! And you even get free diet coke refills (this doesn't normally happen in NYC).

I have my husband to thank for this play recommendation. To be honest the title was a little skeptical for me, but wow what a fun broadway musical it turned out to be. If you like Hairspray then this is definitely the show for you. It was funny, great dancing, and the music was amazing.

Heading over to the subway station after the show to catch a train over to Serendipity.

We waited about 45 minutes for the famous cold hot chocolate. The inside was charming, but I did feel it had a very "gay" appeal to it inside. From the host to the things they sold in the store. My sundae was really good though!

Saturday night ended up being another 2am bedtime. Taylor and I opted to sleep in while Ang and Mackenzi ventured over to the Statue of Liberty. Around 10am we headed out to see some of the museums.

First stop was the Met. It didn't really tickle my fancy. Then we cabbed over to the Natural History Museum.

The dinosaur was impressive, and we did see "Gum Gum" from Night at the Museum.

However, overall these were definitely not my favorite places to visit in New York. Interesting yes, but it only caught my attention for about 30 minutes tops. I guess history isn't my strong suit.

The brownstones were very charming as we strolled along the streets of the upper east side.

The weather was nasty our last day, so most of the day it was drizzly, which didn't make very good for a walk in central park. Around noon we hooked up with the girls again and headed to the famous Magnolia Bakery.

In my opinion the cupcakes were nothing fabulous. My cookie was actually pretty tasty.

With very little time left we got in some last shopping and soaked up Times Square.

And ran into a cowboy in his underware. So funny what people do for money!

And then it was back to the hotel to gather our stuff and head to the airport. It was a jam packed weekend of fun! It took me nearly a week to recover from sleep, but now that I feel rested I can look back and appreciate all the great things we did. When I asked Taylor if she wanted to go back, she replied, "Nah, I am good for about 5 or so years." I guess that means she isn't ready for a trip to Paris (which would entail WAY more walking). Thanks Angie and Mackenzi for a wonderful weekend. We had a great time!